Monday, July 03, 2006
There's either smth wrong with me or the rest of the world has gone mad. Am I that lost for pple ard me or is it just something to do with me? Why do i keep feeling that there's a part of me missing? That there's just this feeling that keeps creeping in and out of me. There used to be this period of time..no actually i've always hated the feeling of loneliness. It's like i cant sit still for one minute if i'm alone, i've always had to run ard to find someone to irritate, to just hang ard someone. But now (since i started hanging out with
you), i suddenly felt like it didnt matter if there was anyone ard me. I wanted to keep to myself..about everything.
I thought there were some things i could have learnt from
you. Learning how to ignore what pple said about me (those negative ones/just stuff i didnt wanna hear), not bothering bout what the latest gossips were. Even the idea of i-looking-so-stupid-standing-here-in-orchard-alone was swept off, simply becos there were so many ocassions that i had to be waiting. I thought these were good, but they proved not to be "in the long run".
The more i didnt wanna hear bout certain things, the more they kept coming. The more i kept to myself, the more self-centred i became. Where was the times when i could be so concerned/worried for a friend that i could cry? Now it's all become "i dun give a damn". WHAT'S wrong with me?
Maybe what some of my close friends said about me is true. I don't have a life. I shun away from almost everything, now to the extend that there's always a chance for me to just go out and chill with my friends. Curfews that i hafta obey, my own stand on where we go to chill, the pple i hang out with. The irony: what got me thinking about all this was becos a 3 grps of friends asked me out tdy and i turned everyone of them down. Sad huh? I had my reasons this time. But how bout the rest of the times? Was i really plain busy with studying or whatsoever or what?
Sometimes i just want time to pass fast, allow me to finish my 2 yrs in college, then fly off to some deserted island. Re-discovering who i really i am.
Family's here. Friends are here as well. Life's good. I dunno what I'm lacking, seriously. It's not that i dun feel blessed, or that I'm ungrateful for everything God has so wonderfully provided me with. Perhaps it's just something that has gotta do with me. A mind so clouded.
Perhaps it's just time to get right with God.
lizzy's memories at 7:56 PM
